Trembeling Hands
by Alexandra Piirhonen
Summary: She hated her self for being so weak. He had unkowningly crushed her heart, and left her devistated. but could her new captain save her from falling down to true despire? She didn't know, but she hoped so...  GinXOC Rated K  so far
1. Chapter 1

I watched my trembling hands, as he walked away from me. The tears running down my chin. He loved someone else and he didn't think of me like that. He had told me that it wasn't because of my face, which was covered with scars, he still thought about me like a friend. I had believed in him. I covered my face with my hands and I started to cry like a maniac. The next day I transferred from his squad till another one…

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Months later I had still not recovered from my broken heart. I hated myself for being so weak, that I needed a man to function. Still I could hear his words in my head. I was sitting on a bench in squad threes barracks, and watch the Hell Butterflies flutter in the wind. My zanpaktou lay beside me, but I hadn't pulled her from her sheet these last few months. My hands were covered with bandage, my hair was matted and I had dark rings under my eyes. The warm wind made the leaves on the tree rustle. I shut my eyes and hide their green color away. Once more I let my tears fall down on my lap.

"Tsukiko-san. What are you doing sitting here all alone again?" I wiped my tears away when I heard Kiras voice. I turned my face towards him, smiling.

"I… I just… watched the…"

"The Hell Butterflies again? You were crying again, right?" Mu smile died and disappeared from my face.

"Kira…"

"How long do you intend to cry for him?" he said gently and sat down beside me.

"I don't know… Until my heart is healed, I think…" He looked at me and watched the clouds wander by, after he turned away.

"Please go out with us tonight. Rangiku misses you, and I'm starting to get bored. Even Ikaku is starting to worry about you.."

"Maybe… we will see…"

"HE won't come. They said he had a mission in the world of the living." I felt It would be nice to meet up with my old friends from the academy again. But my heart was scared of seeing him, and to be around the same table with girl he was in love with. I didn't blame Rangiku, but it was so hard for me to be around her and see what I lacked and she didn't.

"Where do we meet?"

"At the usual place" Kira smiled at me. "Don't worry; everything is going to be alright"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_/Everything is not alright./ _I thought when I watched my old comrades. Ikaku stood half naked on the table with a sake bottle in his right hand. His left arm was wrapped around Rangikus waist, and her boobs were on their way out of her clothes. Together they started to sing about how great their captains were and how much they loved to fight. I myself sat beside Kira and I were rather annoyed. But to be honest I was a bit drunk too. My head were spinning like crazy. Kira smiled and joined in their song. The Saké was flowing from everywhere , and my legs started to feel numb.

Suddenly Rangiku shouted out laud in the bar:

"Shuhei! You're back early! Come drink with us!" My body froze were I sat. I didn't want to look up at the guy that hade crushed my heart unknowingly. I felt how he sat down beside me. I didn't look at him. I joined a conversation with Kira and Yamachika, while Shuhei tried to get Rangiku to sit down. The time flew by I and felt that it was safe for me to leave the party now. I congratulated myself for not talking to Shuhei.

_/It's not his fault that I fell in love with him… And it's not Rangikus fault that he loves her/ _I thought to myself. /_But it did hurt quite a bit to be sitting so near him/ _. I had already left them at the bar and said good bye to them. I started my wobbly way home to the barracks. Then I heard footsteps following me, I turned around and saw that it was Shuhei, who had followed me.

"Hi Tsukiko-san" he greeted me. I looked down and said a silent hello. "How are you?" He asked me.

"Drunk?" I answered. Laughed and smiled at me. /_Please Shuhei, don't smile at me like that..._/

"I can see that. But you don't look so good. Are you eating well?" I felt rage flame up inside my body.

"Why do you care? I'm not a part of your squad anymore and… and…" My voice stopped in my throat.

"Please Tsukiko, don't distant yourself from me. We could always talk to each other in the past. Why can't we do it now?"

"BECAUSE I CONFESSED MY TRUE FEELINGS FOR YOU! AFTER THAT I COULDN'T BECOME YOUR FRIEND AGAIN, BECAUSE IT STILL HURTS!" My tears stinged my eyes. I hated myself more and more for being a jerk to the man I loved. He didn't say anything so I turned away and started to walk again.

"I miss your company…" I heard him say. /_Don't say that… please don't say that. It hurts so much…_/

I started to run and I didn't stop until I was at the barracks. I slammed the door, and ran to the garden. I hide behind the tree and sat still and quiet. My heart ached so much that I couldn't cry.

"Oh and what are ya doing her'e ? " I looked up and saw a confused face. His hair was short and silver colored. His eyes were shut and it reminded me of a fox.

"I'm sorry Ichimaru-Taichou, I will be going now." I said and rose from my seat. I started to walk pass him, but he grabbed my wrist.

"I asked ya who you were; I didn't tell you to leave, did I?" His grasp was gentle.

"I… I'm Mei Tsukiko; I'm in your divison…"

"Oh, now I remember. You transferred here from Tousens squad a few months ago. I haven't seen you so much. "

"That's 'cause I don't want to be seen, Taichou." He still didn't release my wrist.

"Are something troubling ya' Tsukiko-san?" I blushed. How could people be so creped out by this guy. He was so gentle and nice.

"My… problems are not of your concern Taicho-sama…"

"Oh… you say so, but you are a part of my squad, so your problems are my problems too. Don ya think so?" I didn't know what to say.

"Please Taichou, I can't talk about it now… It's still too fresh for me to talk about it…" He took a step towards me. His smile was comforting.

"If ya say so. But you will eventually tell me what's on your mind." He released my wrist and walked away. He left me alone beside the tree with the feeling that everything would eventually work out fine. I just needed to give it some time… Yes, time would heal the wound that Shuhei caused me…

**AUTHOR:**

Ok, only so you know. English is my 2nd language, so my grammer sucks, my spelling sucks and… the length of this starting chapter sucks. I wanted to write on this chapter a bit more, but… I didn't.

I don't know when I will be able to write next chapter, but it depends on what you think about his one.

Till next time! Take care!


	2. Chapter 2 Kasumiseirei

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH, I ONLY OWN TSUKIKO. THIS IS THE ONLY DISCLAIMER YOU WILL SEE !

**Chapter 2 Kasumiseirei**

I woke up the next morning and felt the sun's rays danced on my face through the window. Somehow my heart was not stiff or cold, the incredible pain that would otherwise chased me through the night was gone. I thought of Shuhei, how I screamed at him and ran from him. How I then met Ichimaru-Taichou, his words about how I would voluntarily tell him what was bothering me.

A sudden bang from the room next door had to fly from my seat on the floor. When I came out of what would be my kitchen, I saw only broken porcelain and two very happy cats among those tatters. I could not help but smile at them, while my heart filled with love. These two defenseless animals, I had saved away from a horrible death, they now shared my life with all the fuss and trouble that came with it. Admittedly, these two little monsters cause of all clutter. They had no names but I called them just for "my darling babies". Matsumoto was wondering how I could have two cats living with me, just given to my home area in the barracks did not give me more room than the one I slept in and I cooked my food in. But they shared my loneliness and made it just a little easier to endure, certainly did not Matsumoto know this because I did not want her to feel guilty.

I was in full swing to clean up after my two storms, when it suddenly knocked on my door. I had a day off today so I did not have any major expectations for someone to come and visit me. I got up off the floor and went to the door. Stupid as I was, I did not look before I opened the door. Shuhei was standing outside with sad puppy eyes. Before I could slam the door he got a foot between the frame and the door itself.  
"Please Tsukiko-san. I have to talk to you!" he said.  
"You and I have absolutely nothing to say to each other anymore" I said.  
"I do not understand what I have done wrong? I do not share the same feelings as you and you know it. But I still want to be your friend. Is it so hard to take? Why should I suffer to say the truth, and you is not ready to take it? "I felt the tears burst from my eyes.

"Shuhei ... please go ... It hurts when I see you, it hurts when I hear you talk, it hurts to sit next to you ... I need to get some own time …" Suddenly he became angry.  
"How much time? When should I get my best friend? When are you coming back?"  
"I do not know" I whispered, and squeezed the door shut on his foot. I heard he roared off and disappeared from my door. I knew now that my day was ruined. True, Shuhei right, but I was in pain, and just wanted to be alone and lick my wounds in a dark corner.

The day passed by in a haze, but I saw nothing. Suddenly I was sitting on the bench again in the small garden with high walls of the sunset. Hell butterflies flew above the trees whose flowers gave off a wonderful aroma. Again tears ran down my cheeks, once again, I hated my feeble mind. I began to rock back and forth on the bench. Suddenly I felt someone stroked away my tears from my cheeks. I just saw a black shinigami robe and a white haori.  
"Yare Yare, how long do ya plan to stay her'e?" I looked up and saw Ichimaru-taichou.I said nothing but knew just how he rubbed away the tears that continued to stream down my cheeks with his thumb.  
"Sah sah, come with me now and we'll see if we can not make you feel a bit better."He pulled me up on my feet and took me into his office. I saw nothing, but everything was just like a tunnel vision. He sat on a chair in front of the desk, while he himself sat on it.  
"Do ya mind and tell me what it is that has happened?" I looked down at my hands. So thin and graceful … Many had to tell me that I had hands like a doll. This did not suit my face that was ruined by all the scars that were available. No one knew how I got them, not even myself. They were just there when I woke up in Seretei. I began to sob and tried to catch my breath, the result was that got stuck with the words in my throat.

"I ... I ... he ... I was ... the door …" I could not put out anything at all.  
"Sah sah, take it slowly. Try to breathe."  
"I ... I ... I can not. When I try to talk about it, it feels as if there is a knife that is turned on in my heart."  
"Is it unrequited love?" Ichimaru asked. I looked up at him, just nodded.  
"I ... he was my best friend. Someone I could trust. It's not his fault that I fell for him, but I can not be near him anymore ... I met him yesterday and I yelled at him ... He came home to me today and yelled at me. I slammed the door on his foot ... " Here burst Ichimaru-taichou out laughing. Somehow, I felt a bit more relieved after I talked to him.  
"He deserved it probably is. How long have ya known him?" I was going back as far as it just went. Somehow there was Shuhei with all my memories.  
"Ever since I came to Seireitei. He was the first one was by my side ... and Ikaku and Yamachika. Rangiku came after we graduated from the Academy, but she was already fully trained."

"Oh, so ya know Rangiku-san?" he asked. I smiled sadly.  
"Yes I do ... or rather, I did ... Ever since the incident a few months ago, I have not talked to her at all basically. I can not stand to see the woman he loves, just do not see how he worships the ground she walks on. But I do not blame Rangiku, that's not her fault ...

"Here the tears began to flow again. "I hate that I'm weak, I hate that I love him. I want to be strong and independent. I want to take care of myself!" Suddenly I felt Ichimarus arms around me, warm and safe.  
"Sah sah, ya ARE designed to be yourself, to love someone and not be able to stop loving does not make you weak. It can often make a stronger" he whispered in my ear and sent a tingling sensation down my spine. I smiled bitterly.  
"He was the only one who said I was beautiful. All others see me as a freak, or so they see me not as a woman. My scar ..."  
"How did ya get ya'r scars?" he asked and then looked at me with her smile that covered his face. During his closed eyelids I could see a glimpse of red.  
"I ... I do not know ... I came to Seireitei with them. I have absolutely no recollection of my past." Here was Ichimaru quiet and he let go me. He went to the window and looked at the setting sun. He was silent for a while.  
"I will make ya strong. I will make you the most independent woman in the Seireitei." I looked at him. What was he talking about?  
"How are you gonna do it? When I have not been able to do it all the time since I came to Seireitei?" He turned and smiled, as always.  
"Ya'll see, trust me. Now ya can go home. See ya tomorrow."

I woke up to someone knocking on my door. I pushed away my one cat from his face, then I went with sleepy steps to the door. I opened and looked at the Ichimaru-taichou happy face, or rather the smiling face as he smiled all the time. I do not know what it was that got into me, but I closed the door and started walking back to my futon to continue to sleep. When tapped it again. I froze.  
/ _He stands outside the door. I closed it in his face … Oh my god!_ / I thought when I opened the door again.  
"I ... I apologize. Ichimaru-taichou. I do not know what it was that got into me …" He laughed a bit while he looked at me through thin slits in his Eyelids.  
"I have been smacking, water, food and god knows what on the face. But no one has thrown the door in my face when I come and wake them in the morning" I smiled hesitantly. I stepped aside so he could enter. When he walked past me, I could feel his haori caressed my hand, it was as soft as silk. I came at me with wonder whether his hair felt the same. I followed him into the kitchen and put on some tea. I then went into my "bedroom" and rolled away the futon and tucked it away in the closet and then pulled out a small table. This put me in the middle of the room and took out two pillows to. My Zanpaktou hung on the wall where he hung for months, except the few times I had him with me. I changed into my shingamirobe, and then went out to Ichimaru to take the tea from the stove. Suddenly he stood behind me and felt his hand go past me and took down two cups. My heart stopped and I tried to calm it. The redness crept up on my cheeks and I tried to calm my breathing. I ducked under his arm and walked out of the teapot into my temporary room. Ichimaru-taichou followed me and sat down on one of the pillows. I poured tea for both of us and waited for him to speak. He looked around and then looked at my Zanpaktou.  
"Yare Yare, and who's that?" he asked politely. I smiled twisted and stood up. I went to my zanpaktou and for the first time I felt he was pleased by happiness that I took of him deliberately.

"It is Kasumiseirei (Mist Spirit)." I heard the singing voice within me when he heard his name.  
/ _I missed you /_ I whispered to my insides. I got a picture of a nymph of the finest mist, and he smiled at me. The area surrounding him was foggy, and this was my finest place in the world. I had not visited in many months and I realized I missed Kasumiseirei and the world that was just ours. I came back to real equality, but Kasumiseireis heat did not disappear from my side this time. I did not understand how I could have missed it disappeared.  
"I apologize Ichimaru-Taichou, it was just a long time ago since ... we talked to each other" He smiled at me.  
"I talked to Shuhei, Tousen replacement, about where you were in your training. Ya've already found ya'r Shikai, and ya are close to Bankai level if I understand ya correctly?" I blushed as I stood.  
"... I have a long way ... I can not call it Bankai yet. Kasumiseirei and I ... have difficulty collaborate with each other. We can not read each other than …" I am angry with me uneasy. Ichimaru-Taichou leaned his head.

"Have you already found your bankai!"  
"It ... it is not that strong yet …" His grin became wider, and felt sure there already.

/ _Why am I here?_ / I asked me stood one of the new recruits, and looked nervously at me. Many told me that this was one of the graduates very soon at the Academy. Ichimaru-Taichou wanted to see my strength … and my Bankai.  
"Fight!" I heard Ichimaru-Taichou say. I looked at the new recruit.  
"Keiyou dzuki hateshiganai juuman'okudo Kasumiseirei!"  
(Fly To The eternal Paradise, Kasumiseirei!)

**END OF CHAPTER 2**

**ATUHOR: **

Used google translet... shame on me... I will look over it another day :P

A bit longer ^^ Will update next week :)

Review! Please!


	3. Chapter 3: To be strong isn't about

**CHAPTER 3: TO BE STRONG ISN'T ABOUT YOUR ZANPAKTOUS POWER**

"Keiyou dzuki hateshiganai juuman'okudo, Kasumiseirei!"

Immediately the battlefield filled with fog and a thin film of moisture on the skin. I saw nobody in front of me but it did nothing. Kasumiseirei would lead me right. His form had changed, from his usual appearance so I now had a whip in my hand. An excellent weapon in this fog. 

/ _Lead me right, Kasumiseirei_ / His smile showed up in my mind. A gust of wind got the hairs on my right arm to stand up. Kasumiseirei went there and the sound of the whip that hit the skin was deafening. 

"Shoot her to death, Shinsou!" Suddenly a flash of light and cut through my fog. The separated on themselves but I was careful to keep me within its borders. The mist gathered again and I was once again safe, I thought.

The sudden light drove past hmeer again, but now I felt how it stung my cheek. Blood began to flow down at my skin. A gust of wind and unnoticed Kasumiseirei flew through the air. The whip stuck around something stable. 

"Kasumiseirei rozekeikyoku" (Kazumiseirei Rose Thorn) Thorn's like the rose was then out of the whip. The fog disappeared slowly and then I saw that the Ichimaru-Taichou standing in front of me, between us was Kasumiseirei stretched. He was bleeding from his arm where my zanpkatou wrapped itself around and given him a deep wound. 

"Sah sah ... ya'r pretty good. But we'll see how ya can do it here" His zanpaktou came running towards me and I saw just how it came closer. I saw that Kasumiseirei losen from his arm, I was lucky enough that I could escape his attack, but then I felt my arm became limp. My eyes filled with fear. I looked down at my left arm. Shinsou had pierced it, and blood pulsing out of it.

I felt the fear crawling down my spine, when I saw Ichimaru Gins bloodthirsty smile. My breathing became more rapid, and my was beating like frenzy. I tried to attack once more, but when you attack in fear, you are more likely to miss your target. And so did I. All I saw was the light of Shinshou. I saw everything in slow-motion, and then suddenly a memory came to me, one that didn't belong to my time In Seireitei.

_She was carrying a child through the fire. Her eyes were filled with determination. Her long brown hair was braided, and her face filled with scars. She stumbled upon shards of life. Flames casted light shadows upon the ruins of the house she was born in. She must have had guardian angels on her way out. She was her, she was me, I was her. We were one..._

"hyouketsu tame zetsumei Kasumiseirei oyobi Sokkenai " Then everything went black before my eyes.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Kasumiseirei floated above me and smiled his beautiful smile. I rose from my place at the ground. Everything in the nature was covered with fog so it was hard for me to notice Kasumiseirei.

He didn't say anything to me, so I knew that I was doing the talking.

"Was the woman in my memory me?" He nodded and wrapped his form around me. It wasn't cold, not to me at least.

"Was the child I was carrying, mine?" Once again he nodded. I had a child in my past life. But it looked like a war-zone. Once again I saw upon Kasumiseirei.

"We died in that war, didn't we?" a sad nod. "Thank you, Kasumiseirei."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I woke up at the 4th barrack with Isane fukutaichou looking over me. I knew I had passed out. I always did when I released Kasumiseirei, all but once. But this time, I got something precious in return. A slice of my own memory.

"Yare yare, I thought ya never would wake up" Ichimaru-taichou sat on a chair near my bed. He had bandage around his arm.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Ichimaru-Taichou..." He took my hand.

"Don't be. It was a nice fight. And I thought ya said that ya were weak" I looked at him with eyes filled sorrow.

"To be strong, isn't about your zanpaktous power. For me it's about your heart and mind. Look at you taichou-sama. Your zanpaktou is strong, but it is strong because you have a strong heart and mind" He looked at me. His thumb caressed my hand.

"Ya have a complicated mind. But we can take it another time." He let go of my hand and rose from the chair.

"Ichimaru-Taichou..." He looked over his shoulder and smiled, always smiling.

"Yeah?"

"I got a memory of my past..."

"Come to the bar tonight and tell me. My treat" I looked surprised and watch him leave. He was really weird. But I felt like he listen to me like a real friend.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Ichimarutaichou" I slurred. I had told him of my memory, but now we just sat and drank in a private room at the bar. "I'm thirsty!" He poured more sake for me in a cup. He laughed at me. Although he was drunk. 

"Ya drink almost worse than Rangiku-san." he said. I drank the contents of my cup.

"We would drink together often before. We had such hangovers the next day that we often had us sick. Although it was not that great. Shame on us!"I said with a childlike voice. Ichimaru laughed more at me. I drank some more before it is knocked on the door. Rangiku came in with Ikaku, Yamachika, Kira and Shuhei. 

"Rangiku!" I cried and threw me on her neck. She was as drunk as me and we screamed like little school girls. I met Shuheis eye and I felt the familiar pain in my chest. Ichimaru who sat on the floor beside me Rangiku must have seen it. 

"Yare Yare, it seems that there is no one place so that we all fit." He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap. He put his chin on my head and put his arms around me. I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks. "Now we have room" Everyone was stunned, but they sat down and it was not long before everyone was singing a song of Seireitei. I noticed that Shuhei studied us all the time. Ichimaru noticed this also. He took my hand and stroked it visible. I played with and hung out with in the talks that went back and forth. Suddenly I felt Ichimaru-taichous breath against my ear. Pleasure coursing through my body. It was then that I noticed the hot male body as I sat leaning against. His body was stiff muscles and I felt safe, almost a bit sleepy. 

"Shall we go back home, Tsukiko-chan?" he whispered so Shuhei would hear. 

"Ye .. yes …" I said. We went at us and said goodbye to all my friends in there. Shuhei followed us all the time until we disappeared through the door. On the way home, I had to lean against the Ichimaru-taichou for support. His safe hands held me on his waist while stumbling took us home. When we arrived we walked through the barracks up to my room. I smiled at him. 

"Taichou Thanks, for taking me home." He said nothing so I put the key in the door. Suddenly, his two hands were on opposite side of my head. His breath on my neck.

"I wonder what people mean by that you are not beautiful ... Whole you smell beautiful." He turned me around. I looked into his eyes now open. Red, almost like blood. My breathing increased and my heart beating faster. His excitement was like a heat wave. 

"Taichou?" 

"Gin. Call me Gin," he said. He leaned closer and our lips were just inches from each other. 

"Gin …" I whispered. I noticed that his breathing was as labored as mine. What was happening? He leaned a little closer before he pulled away from me. He put his hand over his face. 

"It is best that you go into your room before I change the view …" he said. His voice was filled with something which for me was unidentifiable. I nodded. 

"Good night ... Gin …" I said and did. Before I closed the door, I heard him. 

"Good night Tsukiko ..."That night I could not sleep.

_**Author: HIYA! This chapter is a surprise one cause, I said to one of my two reviewers that would not be able to update before next week. But her it is! I Used both google translate and my own brain on different parts here. I'm to lazy... And I don't know what to write for my next chapter. **_

_**My personally thought: This chapter sucked XD**_

_**Till next time! **_


	4. Chapter 4 Request

**A/N: Listen to 'In my arms' by Dead by April**

Chapter 4: The request

I saw the sun rise that morning. I was still confused since yesterday. The tingling feeling in my body hadn't stopped. I stood in my bathrobe with a cup of tea in my trembling hands. I had dark rings under my eyes. I knew that something was about to happen, or rather, I was on my way to do something stupid. It was still early in the morning and nobody was awake yet but me. I changed to light evening yukata, just simply purple. Then I opened the door and went to his room. My heart was pounding hard in my chest. /_Take it easy... It's just sex, nothing more. And if I'm rejected... no harm done/ _I thought to myself. I stood outside his door now. I swallowed and raised my hand to knock. He opened the door in just a few seconds. It looked like he also had not slept that night. He was just wearing his hakama and his broad chest was...

"Tsukiko..." For the first time, he didn't smile. He took my hand and led me in to his room. It was dark and the air was filled with his scent. He led me to the middle of the room. He looked down on me, with his lips slightly spread. I could see his eyes too. He put his hand with his long fingers on my chin. His fingers followed the outline of my scars, it wasn't uncomfortable. Then he bent over me and his smooth lips covered mine. I disappeared in a wave of pleasure, as his other hand caressed my neck. I let my fingers leap through his silver hair. His kiss started to get more passionate, and his hand had pushed my yukata down to my waist. I let my hands fall from his hair to his naked shoulder and let them explore every inch of the chest, it somewhat trembled under my fingers. His hands pulled me tighter to him.

"Ichimaru-Taichou! A Hellbutterfly was sent to you from Yamamota-Taichou. It's a emergency meeting in his room." Kiras voice cut through the moment like a knife through butter. I covered my chest as Gin sighed.

"I will be there in just a moment. I need to put some clothes on me first" We heard Kira disappeared from the door. Gin looked at me as I pulled my yukata to it's original place. "I'm sorry, Tsukiko..." I turned around and smiled, a bit embarrassed.

"Nothing to say sorry for, right? It was quite a stupid idea" I said and started to walk to the door. "But no harm done, right?" Smiled, a fake mask. The pressure against my wrist and his arm around my waist.

"Don't ya go and think that I didn't wanna..." He whispered into my ear. Then he grabbed his gear and went out the door.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

After that morning I didn't see or heard a thing from Gin in a few weeks. Kira said to me that he went on a mission. I felt a bit lonely without his company at the breakfast table and the afternoon tea. I now blushed at the memory. Must've still been intoxicated in that morning somehow. But the memory of his kiss made warm inside...

I was running some errands for my squad when I suddenly ran into Shuhei. He looked at me, but I could not see any trace of hatred, or bitterness. He was his old self again.

"Tsukiko-san! I was told that you were to bring me some papers that I needed to sign." I sighed int relief.

"Yes, Kira fukutaichou need those as soon as possible, so he can give them to Yamamoto- Taichou at the next meeting. Please sign them as soon as you can" I said and bowed before him.

"Tsukiko... I'm sorry for everything..." I looked at him. And shake my head.

"It's I who would say sorry. I did... say horrible things and... I do really regret them. But I still can't be friends with you. I need to get stronger first, I need to learn how to control my self. I hope you understand..." his eyes were sad but he then spoke to me.

"I do understand. Get strong soon my friend, because when you are ready, I will battle you." He then took the envelope and shunpo:ed out of there. I smiled. He had always been so nice and understanding to me. I started to walk back on my own in slow pace. The weather was fine and there wasn't any clouds on the sky. I caressed Kasumiseirei unknowingly. Then a sudden shadow fell upon me and I pulled him from his sheet. I met Ikakus sword and I felt irritation popped up in my body. I kicked him in the groin. I fell forward. And then I heard Yumachikas voice behind him.

"That was truly not beautiful to fall." I glanced at him. Such a peacock and a real pain in the ass sometime. But he was a true friend.

"You bitch! Is that how you great your friend!" Ikaku yelled at me. I looked at him were he was laying on the ground. I kicked him gently in the head, or rather it was more like a poke.

"Last I remember you greeted your friend with a 'hi' or 'hello' even a handshake. Not by jumping at from above and attack them. Idiot!" I told him. He rose slowly and looked at me with a grin on his face.

"Heee... Now you look more like the Tsu. We were afraid that had become weak." I looked at him ans sighed. Didn't he know that I was weak? If wasn't a looser, I didn't know who was.

"Tsu-chan you look brilliant today, not as brilliant as me of course but close enough." Yumachika stood beside Ikaku. Ï looked at him, with bored eyes.

"You're annoying, and stop calling me Tsu-chan. Don't you have anything to do?" Yumchika looked crushed. Ikaku just snorted.

"Naaa... we are waiting for Zaraki-Taichou to come back from the captains mission." /_Ahh so they all are out on that mission? No wonder I haven't seen any of them the last few weeks./ _

"Then you decided to come and irritate me?" I asked as I started walking. They were my friends and they really cared about me, even though they didn't show it that way. Ikaku walked up beside me and Yumachika on my other side. More like bodyguards then friends.

"No, don't you think that you mean that much to us" Ikaku said grumpy. "But we were just courius about you and your taichou relationship. _His smooth lips against mine, his fingers against my neck.._

I couldn't believe that only to think about that memory would make me... hot.

"What do you mean?" I asked without doing any facial expression.

"You seemed really close last time we saw you two together" Yumachika explained. I sighed again.

"He is helping me getting stronger and helping me repair my lost trust for people. That makes him around me very often. Except nights of course." I told them calmly. I saw in their eyes that they didn't believe me. Ikaku looked at me now with worried eyes.

"Be careful around him. You know what happened under the Winter War eight years ago." Yes I knew, how he betrayed Seireitei. And how my former squad leader left with Aizen. Yes I did remembered. But Gin was somehow forgiven by Seireitei. Many thought that he had been on a mission on Central 46 request. But I didn't want to ask because it wasn't my business.

"I know Ikaku..." I couldn't say anything else.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

_I hit the ground. Blood started to drip from my mouth. I breathed hard. My hair was in the way from my sight. _

"_You! Let go of my son! You monster!" I looked at the women. She looked like a goddess compared to me. But that didn't matter, cause dangling from her hand was my son. My mother-instinct took over and I pulled my sword hanging at my waist. My son cried for me and I felt my heart ache of pain. The woman laughed at me, and a high crack sounded out the meadow. The sound when you brake a childes neck. He died instantly. I felt the anger raise inside of me, and then everything got blank._

"NOOOOO!" My scream echoed in the night. But I don't think it woke someone up. My hatred for the woman lingered on. Who was she? Way did she kill my child? I felt tears running down my cheek as rose from my futon and took Kasumiseirei from the wall. I went out to the training ground. I needed to get my bankai right, I needed to get my revenge.

"Fly to eternal paradise, Kasumseirei!" My zanpaktou transformed into a whip. I trained that night as hard as I could. But Kasumiseirei didn't want to go into bankai.

"I don't understand! Why won't you transform!" But he was quiet. I didn't even found him in my inner world. What was going on? Ever since my first memory returned, my sword started to act weird.

"What do I need to do..." Then a female voice answered me.

"_Return... return to your land..." _And then it disappeared. Who was that? And what did she mean by return to my land? I didn't own any land, or was she meaning from the land I came from when I was living? I didn't know. I returned to my room. I went to sleep again but I was still wandering. Before I went to sleep, I felt Gins reitsu return to Seireitei. So they were back now?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I stood outside Yamamoto-Taichous office. I had decided that I needed to travel and find my roots. I knocked on th door.

"Enter!" I heard a old sturdy voice. I swallowed and entered the gigantic room. He sat behind his desk. I bowed deeply for him. I felt eyes on my shape.

"And what is your business with me, Mei Tsukiko?" he asked. I met his eyes and walked closer.

"I have request SouTacichou-sama..." I glanced trough his eyelids.

"And what would that be?"

"I want to take a leave to the human world, to find out my past. I have a feeling that it would help me to find out my bankai, sir." I felt pearls of sweat break out on my forehead. He was so powerful.

"Have talked to your Captain about this matter?"

"I... I haven't been able to talk with him since he came back..." He sat in silence for a long period of time. Then I felt his reitsu, I had not notice it when I came in. He must have hide it for me. Looked to one of the corners and there I saw him. He looked tired and he had dark ring under his eyes. I looked down on the ground fast. I didn't wan to meet his eyes right now.

"I will grant you your wish to go the world of the living. But be warned, that place isn't what it used to be" I bowed deeply and thanked him properly. Then I shunpo:ed out of there. I needed to pack as soon I could.

I asked Kira to watch over my cats when I was away. I gave him my spare key and then I returned to my room. I took out a bag and started to pack my belongings. It wasn't much. My cats felt that I was going somewhere without them. So they cuddled with my for some time.

"So ya are leaving, as soon as I came back, eyh?" I jumped up and turned around. Gin stood there in all his glory.

"I... I had... a dream and I heard a voice... I need to go to the world of the living. Suddenly my wrist were nailed to the wall and I couldn't move.

"So ya think ya're strong enough by yar self now, eyh? I maybe thought that we would start where we ended last time" Memories rushed through my mind. And I blushed. Hi giggled a little, he leaned forward to my ear. "I see that ya remember..."

"Please Gin... I really need to do this. Yamamoto-sama gave his permission to me. I really need to go!"

"What a fortune, that he gave me the same permission" I looked really dumb now.

"What?"

"I will join ya at yar journey. I promised to make ya stronger, and I can't that if ya are away from me" then he released me as started to walk out of my room. "See ya soon. Tsukiko" Then he was gone.

I just sat there and wonder what happened.

**A/N: Thx guys for the favvs and reviews :D It made me happy ^^ **

**I made a pic of Tsukiko at (seek for Kaitar). There you will even see how Kasumiseirei look like ^^ It isn't good... soo I think I will wait until I practice some more at my tablet...**

**Oh thats right! My boyfriend bought me a tablet this weekend! :D **

**Feed me more with reviews :D ME HUNGRY! Till next time. ( I don't know when I will able to update. Many exams these coming weeks)**


	5. Chapter 5 Pan'An Long

**CHAPTER 5: Pan'An Long and the Chinese shinigamis.**

**A/N: Lissten to Bad Boys by Alexandra Burk, Soulweeper by Volbeat and Dead by April.**

My gigai itched, as I tried to get used to it. Gin walked beside me as nothing. We had come to Karakura town the same day and Uruhara-san helped us with our gigais. Now Mine looked just like my body, except that now I didn't had any scars. I felt beautiful. Gin Looked at me as we walked the streets.

"Do ya know where we should go?"

"All I know is that we were not in Japan in my dream. I think we should travel beyond the ocean and through China." He looked pained.

"That is a long walk, Tsukiko-chan!" I smiled.

"Suit your self. It was you who wanted to accompany me. And we are not walking, we will fly to Beijing." I said and started to walk. Urahara had made us some pass and had bought us two flying tickets to China.

"I thought ya said we would walk through china?" Gin said and smiled, as usually.

"Yes, but I have a feeling..." I took a deep breath "that there are clues in Hong Kong about my past." He didn't say anything and we took a cab to the airport.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

When we arrived in Beijing I felt some kind of familiar feeling. As if I had been here before. We took in at a hotel, and I took a shower. Beijing were the royal city of China. Here we had The Forbidden City, and culture and history so different from our own, but to me it seems so familiar even. I took a towel and wrapped it around my body as I walked out of my bathroom. Then I saw Gin sleeping on my bed. He only had a pair of jeans on him, and his delicious chest was shown. His abs were sexy as hell and I felt my own body respond to what I saw. Sure I was attracted by my own captains looks, but I wasn't the only one. I blushed when I remembered what almost happened a few weeks ago.

"Ya can touch them if ya like" I heard him say. I snapped out of my hypnosis as I looked at Gin. He rose from his place at the bed and walked towards me. I stood frozen to the ground as he approach me. He took my hands and put them at his body. He was hot, burning hot. My own pulse increased and my breathing became heavier. "Ya can feel it can't ya?" I looked up in to his eyes. Those pools of red.

"Gin..." I took my hands away. "This isn't a good idea..." He laid his hand on my chin. He didn't said anything, just stroke it gently. I closed my eyes as felt his touch. Then he left me alone in the room after he had put a shirt on. I took some cloths on me and after that I laid on the bed and stared up on the ceiling. I could smell Gins scent on the pillows. The without thinking, I remembered that the last time I met Shuhei, my heart didn't ache.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_The corridors were covered in gold and crimson red colors. The weight of her garment gave her aching shoulders. It was heavier then the armor she was used to wear. Her sword sat sheeted at my left hip. It was quiet in the palace and the servants ran passed her, as if she didn't existed. _

_She came forth to a giant gate guarded by the palace special guards. She just moved her hand so they did opened the doors for her. When she rushed in she saw the emperor of China stand before her. The god, the ruler of the Forbidden City. His beauty was glittering, and his strength was astonishing. But all she felt was annoyance._

"_And what do the Emporer of China want of me?" She just asked and walked past him to her throne. She was the only one that didn't want to lick his freaking butt. _

"_I came here, to beg of you to give in to my proposal of marriage." She looked at him. He was the father of her son, but he had left the same moment he knew that her brother would inherit the throne. Then after that her brother died in a war with Mongolia, and she became the ruler. _

"_My patient has come to an end Emperor. I will not marry you, I will rule this land alone until the day my son is old enough to rule himself. Until then, I will defend it at the battlefield and I will kill that person that will try to rip the crown of my head." She looked at him. Her personal bodyguard made an entrance, he stood by her side strong and tall. _

"_You know that China will crush your pathetic excuse for a land!" The Emperor threw at her._

"_Crush? I do not think so my dear Emperor. How many times have you tried crush us? You have killed a few of my armies but you have never succeeded. Leave me now as a friend and not as my enemy." He then turned around but before he exited he turned around again._

"_This will mean war! You will die by my hand!" He then disappeared._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

We was walking through the Forbidden City, and Gin watch everything closely and just was quiet. The Forbidden City was the biggest castle that have ever been build and here did the Emperor live with his family. We walked the whole day at the place, but we found nothing. Then as we were on our way back to the hotel we both felt reitsu, and then we heard the Hollow. We looked at each other, and then we took the special pill that would release us from our gigais. The we shunpo:ed away after we had hidden them properly.

When we arrived we saw this huge hollow, and a few persons with black clothes on them.

"Are... those ninjas?" I asked Gin.

"Sort of. They are the shinigamis of China. Ya can call them that." We watched them as they fought the hollow. But as one of them got hurt I couldn't watch anymore. I shunpo:ed over to them and pulled Kasumiseirei out of his sheet.

"Keiyou dzuki hateshiganai juuman'okudo, Kasumiseirei!" The whip danced in my hand as I moved my hand. "Kasumiseirei rozekeikyoku!" When the whip wrapped it self around the hollow the thorns came out and penetrated the hollows skin. The hollow screamed in agony. I needed to end this soon. But before I even had finished that thought one of the ninjas jumped and with a speed of light the hollow dissolved in spirit molecules. This battle was short and now we could wait a confrontation from the other 'shinigamis'. They surrounded me as they approached me. Suddenly gin stood behind me and he laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Who are you? I demand an answer!" I felt a tremendous amount of reitus coming from the manly speaker.

"I... we... We are shinigamis from Seireitei"

"Do ya understand their language?" Gin asked me. I looked at him with a stupid look. What was he talking about? Didn't he understand what they said?

"Ye... yes, Gin. Why do you wonder?"

"'caus ya talk Chinese." I looked at him. How could I talk Chinese?

"You are shinigamis? I see... Then we will thank you for helping us with that hollow." The man took of his facial garment and I think I would die on the spot. Before stood Shuhei, or rather, the chinese version of him. This person had long black hair and no scars in his face.

"My name is Lu'Kai She. And I'm the captain of squad of the Horse" he said.

"I... I'm Mei Tsukiko and this is my captain of the 3rd squad, Ichimaru Gin."

"Nice to meet ya" Gin said. Then I realized that we now talked japanese again.

"It's an honor to meet our relatives from the other side of the ocean. But let us talk to each other someplace else." We then followed them and we were back at the Forbidden City. We stepped through the gates of the palace but now everything changed. Now we saw shinigamis everywhere and the place was crowded with life. People ran back and forth on their errands.

"Please follow me" said Lu'Kai She. And so we did. He led us through the corridors of the Forbidden City, and after a while we came to a gate. He opened it and in there we saw other people but their auras were strong. So this must be the captains of this land. I could count to twelve with Lu'Kai She.

"Lu'Kai She- Duìzhang (captain), who are these people?" One woman asked. She reminded me strongly about Squad fours captain, Unohana Retsu in some sort of a way.

"Dong'Mei Fang- Duìzhang, they are here from Sereitei. I have not yet asked them about their errands to China." He said as he walked towards the throne with a dragon lingering in the ornament. It was such a beautiful throne. I wonder who sat on that one. Then Lu'Kai She stod before the throne as he looked at all the Captains in the room.

"Dear fellow captains. Today we have a Duìzhang and his Zhõngwei (Lieutenant) with us. We maybe a presentation would be in order? As you know I'm Lu'Kai She, Captain of the squad of the Horse."

"I'm Dong'Mei Fang, captain of the squad of the Rat" the woman looked a lot like Unohana, except that she had sort hair and a more traditional dress.

"I'm Mengyao Niu, captian of the squad of the Ox" The man was large and had slow mind, but I had a feeling that if he got mad, he would be very dangerous. He had sort black hair and he was well muscled.

"Xin Qiu, captain of the squad of the Goat" This woman had blond hair something very unusual for a chinese citizen. She didn't even look our way. So I couldn't really get a good look on her. But she was short. I started to wonder why every captain here resembled a captain from Seireitei. We went throug Wenyan Zian captain of the squad of the Dog, a man. Bo'Lin Huan captain of the squad of the Rooster, a man. Daiyu Lifen captain of the squad of the Monkey, a woman. There was Gui'wei Ley, captain of the squad of the Rabbit, a man. Peng Hui'Liang, captain of the squad of the Pig, a man. Meilin Jia, captain of the squad of the Tiger, a woman. Guang Heng, captain of the squad of the Snake, a man, and last there was a man named Enlai Fa, captain of the squad of the Cat. The problem for me was that I lost their name at the same time they said them.

My captain stood tall beside me, and then he finally spoke.

"Excuse me, but where are yar last captain'? If I don't remember wrong their should be a captain of the squad of the Dragon, too?" The captain stood silent as he spoke the words, as if they brought them a great sorrow.

"Our 13th captain never showed up after her death. We have a different way of choosing our captains here. They are chosen before they die after their qualities in life, and... and she was a great Empress of great country over 5000 years ago..." Liu'Kai She looked very sad when he finished his sentence.

"I'm truly sorry" I said and he looked at me and smiled a little.

"We all miss her though, everyone of us had a personal bond towards her. Bit Enough of that, what brings you her?"

"I'm on the search for my Bankai. I have a feeling that if I traveled here I would find some clues why my bankai won't transform." I told them why my journey brought me to China and way my captain were with me. The listened to me carefully and didn't say anything.

"You will have full access to our library as long as you stay. I will show you to your quarters"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I sat on the tatami mat and waited to be escorted to the library by Liu'Kai She. Gin was with me as I waited patiently. But he looked a bit annoyed. He did scare me a bit.

"Do ya think we will be staying here long'?" He asked me.

"I don't know captain... We will see. You can return back to Seireitei if you want to" I rose from my place. I hadn't told him about my dream I had a couple of days ago.

"I don't wanna'" he said. I sighed.

"Then what do you want to do then?"

"I don't know." Before I could say anything to him I heard a knock on the door. Liu'Kai She opened the door.

"Would you please follow me then to the library?" I went to him befor Gin could say anything. I needed to get away from him a few hour before the dinner. I followed the other captain and didn't say anything.

"It seemed as if your boyfriend was rather pissed." he said. I looked up at him in surprise.

"Ichimaru-Taichou isn't my boyfriend. He just followed me because he want to help me get stronger." Liu'Kai She then looked at me.

"So he is just your captain?"

"Yes, how can you tell otherwise?" I laughed. But before that I couldn't tell at all what guys did think.

"You can call me Kai, to say my full name is just a mess" I looked choked. But I didn't say anything. He made my heart pound, but that was only because he looked like Shuhei... And he didn't act at all as Shuhei.

"Do you have any family back in Seireitei?" Kai asked me.

"Only My two baby darlings" I said.

" So you have two children? Are the father dead?" I laughed as he said that. Of course couldn't he know that my baby darlings were my two stray cats.

"no no no, they're cats! They are the only family I have. But I have really good friends." And so we went on.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Many days passed as I and Kai became good friends. But as we did I felt Gins mood got worse. And suddenly he didn't speak to me anymore. And didn't even try... because I was so occupied with my own search. I was reading about the Empress Kai had told me about a few days ago. Ther wasn't any name on her, she was only referred to as the Empress of Dragons. She had been a good ruler and loved by many. The ruler before her was her brother, but he died in a war against the early Mongolia. She had after that crushed their pathetic armies with help from the four eastern dragons. She had a younger sister who envied her older sisters power and tried then to kill her younger son. She was sent to china by foot after that as punishment and she never returned, and she never came to China.

"Kai, why aren't there any picture of your beloved Empress? Or even a name?" He sat down at the chair and looked at me as he zipped on his tea.

"There are not many people that know about her real name anymore. Most of those captain called her Your highness or Empress." I could hear a bit a other telling of his words.

"What did you call her?" I asked. He looked over the edge of the cup, deep in to my eyes.

"Pan'An Long, or just Long, when we were alone..." He told me. Long... Dragon... The Dragon Empress.

"She must have been mighty" I said to cheer him up. He shook his head.

"Not mighty, but strong and full of willpower."

"Did she really had control over the four eastern Dragons?" I felt like a child at Christmas. I wanted to know what was hidden inside the wrapping of times. He laughed at me.

"She merely controlled over the two headed dragon that was sleeping under our city at that time. Historians like to exaggerate a bit." My mouth dropped. A two headed dragon? You must be kidding me?

"What did she look like?" He drank up the last of his tea, and pushed away a bit of his black hair from his face.

"Follow me." And so I did. We walked through many corridors and many minutes passed away. And then we came to a bed chamber and I knew it as one of the old Emperors. Kai opened the door and we went in.

The room was filled with black, green, crimson red and gold colors. It was so beautiful so it almost did hurt my eyes.

"The emperor at that time, loved her dearly even though he did threaten her with war. And she was the mother of his first born son." I then looked at the painting Kai looked at. Her beautiful green eyes, her blood red lips, her crimson red hair, her proud posture. I fell on my knees, because in her arms there was a child, a child that had a face of an angel.

"What is that boys name?" I asked Kai.

"His mother gave him a Japanese name, because she loved their misty mornings. He named him Kasumiseirei. Why?" I couldn't breath. It hurt like hell, and my head started to spin.

"Beacuse my Zanpaktous name is Kasumiseirei..."

**A/N: So I struggled with this chapter. It took like forever to write. And I didn't had any insperation after my exams... Sorry that it took such a long time. I know it isn't that good. I know Gin wasn't in this chapter as I wished... He needed a vacation, he told me XD**

**I tried to insert chinese names and I used the chinese zodiac as the squad names here. (I know that cat isn't one of the Zodiac, but I need a 13 th name.)**

**I think next chapter will be a flashback of some sort. What do you guys think? **

**I will not start writing next chapter before I get 5 comments what you think about that idea ^^**

**Till next time. (can some one pretty please try to draw a picture of Tsukiko? Green eyes, scars in her face, crimson red short hair,) I would be so happy to see what you guys think she looks like! Send me an email with the adress to the picture, I will send you mine :D**

**Bye!**


	6. Chapter 6 Old memories

**Chapter 6: Old memories and Gins odd behavior**

**A/N: I watched episode 301 today and caught a scen with my print-screen button. It's a beautiful picture of gin show off his beautiful blue eyes. Then I really fell inlove with that guy. I'm so sorry that he don't exist :( But I can at least dream :) So I had wrong about his eye color so now on I will write it that he has blue eyes. Very beautiful blue eyes... *drool***

I sat quiet in my chamber as all thoughts ran through my head. Gin wasn't there to support me, but I wished that he was. Kai had given me the Dragon Empress old diary, or rather my old diary so I could retrieve my old memories. I held the beautiful scroll and my hand shook as I opened it. I watch the lines of word that ran through the paper. The ink was over 5000 years old, and yet it stayed clean and net. I started to read.My former life circulated around tea, flowers, swordsmanship and my son. As I reed the scroll, more memories jumped up in my head. My kingdom hadn't been large at all but it had have the strongest of armies in the Asian territory. I remembered birthdays, my old family. Our mother and father had died young so my older brother had to take of me and my younger sister. Then he died in a war, and after that I was crowned the Dragon Empress. I was a fierce fighter in the battle field and I was surely the one to take many life. I had the command over a two headed golden dragon and my armies won many battles. I remembered my romance with Chinese crown prince, and I gave birth to my son, Kasumiseirei. My life in all was ordinary for an Empress. I got my son before I was crowned an empress. Many thought that I would marry the Chinese crown prince but he left me later. I then met Bi'Ai Ling, he became my bodyguard and later my lover.

_I sat in my chamber and took care of my sword. Suddenly Bi'Ai Ling came in with my son on his shoulder. _

"_Mom! Mom! Look what B'ai made for me!" I looked at the bamboo sword he held in his tiny hand. I smiled and when Bi'Ai let him down he ran straight for me. I took him in my arms. He was such a beautiful boy. I couldn't believe that the gods had blessed me with such a joy. _

"_I see my young warrior. I will learn you later how to use it, but now all little warriors need a nap before the fight. Run to the maid and say that for me" My son looked at me and smiled happily._

"_yes mom! I will!" and he ran of. I giggled as saw it. Then I felt a sudden kiss on my lips. I looked my beloved Bi'Ai in the eyes and smiled gently. He was so beautiful. And so strong. He draged the hairpins out of my hair so my crimson strands fell down to my knees. _

"_I hope I wasn't in the way today at the field?"_

"_Of course not, your Highness. As always he works hard and helped us bring in the wheat. He will become a great leader one day. "_

"_Don't call me that in private... Please my love..." _

"_As you wish, Pan'An Long..." Our words then drifted of to the eternity. _

I felt Kais present in the rooms.

"You said to me that everyone else called me your Higness, but you called me by my name..." He came forward out of the shadows as a true ninja. "Why is that?" he sighed as I asked him that.

"I... I was her, your, bodyguard at the time. And you asked me to call you by your name."

"You were my lover at the time?"

"Yes"

"You must be quite disappointed now when you see. From what I can remembered I was quite the beauty." He then came to me and took my hand and looked me in the eyes.

"I'm not disappointed. I'm glad that you have returned. My love for you have won over death." He told me. I now knew why I had those feelings for Shuhei. "Please let me escort you to the dinner tonight."

"Kai..."

"I know your feelings are not the same anymore. But just let me have this one night..." I just nod.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"_You tried to murder my son!" I yelled at my younger sister. She didn't look at all like my only living relative. The guards held her tight so she couldn't move. _

"_You don't deserve the power, neither your son! If he died, I would become the ruler after you!" _

"_If your interests are so shallow, I will teach you the lesson of humiliation and kindness! Send her on the road to China! Just with a pair of shoes and the clothes she is wearing. Let her work for her meals!" She looked frightened when I spoke out my words."Take her away from my sight!"_

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Kai led me through the palace and traditional chinese music was played. I wore an old garment, something that would resembled my old ones from my past life. But I felt uneasy in it. The color matched my hair and brought forth the green color of my eyes. A servant had laid a beautiful makeup on me so I really looked like an old chinese princess. We entered the hall and all the people in there stopped talking and bowed for me. I felt embarrassed. I looked at Kai and he smiled at me, and now I really could see that they were filled love. In my heart I felt an aching feeling. Deep down, th old me, still loved him.

We sat down at a table and then I saw Gin. Sitting next to another beauty. I felt suddenly irritated and looked away. But soon I gazed upon him again and I met his eyes, but just brief. Because he then returned his attention to lady next him. I felt kind of rejected.

The dinner went on and there was lots of food and music and alcohol. The night was late and I felt Kasumiseireis presence in my mind. He was comforting me. I felt a bit nostalgic to the fact that the one who was my son in his last life, now was my zanpaktou.

"Isn't that your captain over there, your Highness?" I looked at Meili Jia, captain of the Tiger squad, and then I looked over to Gin. His lips was locked at the lady next to him and she held him tight to her.

_/That bastard!/ _I thought. I clenched my fists but then realized what I was thinking. He was my captain and no more. He was just my companion in this journey and not my partner.

"I need some air" I told Kai and rose from my seat. He just looked at me as I walked away. Little did I know that Gin looked after me as well.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"_Run for your life! Take your son and go!" Bi'Ai yelled at as he fought of the soldiers, breaking through the palace gate. "Defend the Dragon Empress! For her Highness!" he yelled. I ran through the corridors and in to my son's chamber. He looked scarred and ran into my arms. I had my armor on me and my sword in my hand. In my other arm I held my baby boy. The whole palace was on fire and I ran for the hidden tunnel. We could make it in time. Just maybe..._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The evening was warm and calm, but still my body was shivering. So many memories came rushing to my mind and gave terrible headache. I gave my temples a massage. The moon was up gave the garden a beautiful glow. Couldn't resist and walked down the stair to a nearby pond. Some frogs played their songs to attract their mate. The trees branches reached down and barley touched the surface of the pond. It was so magical. I looked down in the pond and saw my own reflection, with all this makeup, my scar vanished. I was beautiful. I touched my own face. Those scars were the results of burning ruble that fell on me when I saved my little boy in the tunnel at an ambush.

I took of my heavy garment and pulled out my zanpaktou.

"Lead my dance..." I whispered and I let the music coming from the palace lead my movements. I felt like the wind blowing through the branches of a tree. I felt like the water, bending my body around the stones in my way. I felt like the fire, with a passionate speed I burned everything I touched, and I felt like the earth, steady and secure in my movements. I was one with the nature, and my blade danced in my hand. Under my dance I had my eyes shut.

And suddenly I felt a resistance against my blade and I opened my eyes. Looked in to Gins lightblue eyes. He wasn't smiling. I sheeted my sword and started to walk further into the garden.

"Please Tsukiko, stay..."

"So now it suits you to talk to me?" I said to him. "And where is your lady? It seemed like she couldn't wait to get you to bed."

"Tsukiko..."

"Enough! I have had enough already! First you treat me like a little girl, then you treat me like your friend, and then you treat me like garbage! And now you think I will forgive you? You freaking douchbag!" I yelled at him. Suddenly I was pinned downed to the ground. Gin held my wrist tight. His head was tucked in at my neck.

"I couldn't bear it... To see his eyes on ya. How he caressed ya with his eyes... How he touched ya in a familiar way... Like he knew some part of ya that I didn't... It really pissed me of ya know... Girl if ya only knew what ya doing to me..." I felt my heart crush in my chest. The tears built in my eyes as I told him to let me go.

"Let me go! Let me go" he kissed my neck and sent shivers through my body.

"Let me go, Gin!" My tears started to fall. I kissed them away as he talked to me.

"Ya have become strong Tsukiko. Ya'r giving orders like a true commander." He came to my lips and his pools of blue looked deep into my green ones.

"Let me go..." I whispered as I cried, but I didn't know why. The he kissed me like never before and I felt that he declared me as his own.

"I will never let ya go. Will forever be mine and mine alone..."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_I saw my own sister breaking my sons neck. I attacked her and our swords met. The energy that was released was tremendous. Her white garment was stained with blood and one part of her face were covered with a bone like mask. She laughed at me frenetically._

"_Is that all you can do big sister?" she yelled. I attacked with a new strength and let all of my power gather in my sword. She would die for killing my hand, for betraying her family and land. _

"_I will kill you and you know that" She laughed when she heard those words. A bright light was released from her body and felt it like a pressure to my body._

"_You can always try your Highness! But I've become stronger! I have conquer death itself and a mere human like will never defeat me!" She attacked and I blocked her sword with mine and I tried a low kick but I missed as she moved away. She was much faster then me. She must have sold her soul to the devil for that strength. _

_I fell forward and felt the pain in my side. It was wide open and my blood poured out. I needed to end this now. I gathered my last strength and surrounded myself with it. _

"_What are you doing? Stop that!" She screamed. I just looked at her as I let the words ran over my lips as water. _

"_From the deepest of hell I command the you to enter the face of the earth! Enter in to the human world and take my opponents life! Kill my enemy! Shuãng tóu lóng cóng dìyù!" (Two-headed dragon from hell!)_

_After that my mind went blank and I woke up with a tremendous pain in my body. My sister was gone and my sons body lied just a few meters from me. I rose from the place and took him in to my armes. I walked to a tree and sat down there. I started to sing his favorite lullaby. My face was bleeding and the wound in my side too. I knew my end was coming. And as the sun rose at the horizon my life slipped away. And the last thing I saw was a shinigami with his black suit and lihgtblue eyes. I just smiled as I died there on that spot. For me, the sun would never again shine upon my son and my kingdom. I had fallen, but the revenge would someday be mine again... _

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Gin closed the door behind him. His lips were looked to mine. This time no one would disturb us. He took of his shirt and my hands caressed every centimeter of his bare chest. As I did that he help me of with my clothes. I stood naked before him and his hands were all over me. For me it was like Ecstasy and moaned as he touched my burning skin. He took me to the bed and laid me down there.

"Don't let me go..." I whispered to him.

"Never... ya are mine and only mine. I need ya... I desire ya..." we then lost our self in the desire we both felt. We were clinging to each other, as if there was no tomorrow. We drove each other to insanity, to edge where we were joined together in a rhythmical dance. He was me, I was him, we were one...

I woke early in the morning with Gins arm wrapped around me. The moon was still up and gave my room a silver light, making Gin magical. I sat up and looked at him. He was still asleep. I stroke him over his chin and then I got out of the bed. I dressed my self in my shinigami uniform and walked back to the bed. I bent over and kissed him.

"Thank you for making me strong. I think I can do this alone now... And... you healed my heart... I'm your until the end of times..." I walked to the door and looked back at the sleeping man that my heart was beating for.

"Farewell... Gin..."

**A/N: This chapter was hard to write. I think I will rewrite later on. But now to the funny stuff... THEY DID IT D: How dare she sleep with him XD**

**Just kidding. I pretty pleased with this chapter. I hope you will guys were satisfied with this chapter ^^**

**R&R **

**Till next time**


	7. Chapter 7  2 nd release

**Chapter 7: 2nd release and baby darlings**

**A/N: Now when I've been reading my chapter afterwards, I'm pretty ashamed. Spelling mistakes and words I forgot to write in... shame on me... I'm sorry for that... It's just that when I'm so concentrated my finger fly over the keyboard and I am not reflecting over if I spelled it right or if I missed a word... SO SORRY!**

Seireitei

"What do you think, eh nee-san?" She asked. The long curvy brunette looked at her little sisters as they watched over Seireitei. The wind was cold and she looked at the moon.

"Our caretaker will soon be in a great danger..." The smaller one was not as tall has her sister and had more slender figure, almost flat. And her hair was shorter, and it was purple instead of brown.

"So what do you wanna' do Nee-san?"

"We need to go after her..."

SOMEWHERE IN CHINA

The mountains were cold these times of year. The birds sang their song as I still walked on. I had left The Forbidden City about a week ago. And I had felt Gins reitsu for some time. But he never found me. I must have truly mastered the technique to hide my own reitsu from other people.

I walked day and night and as I did so, more memories came back to me. And after another week in the wilderness I started to recognize my surroundings. This was my former kingdom. And now I started to see ruins of old cities and villages. I cried as I saw them. The armies of China must've destroyed everything in their way. The hours went by and suddenly I came to a meadow. The ground was without grass and the rock solid earth exposed the air and rain. And under a tree their was a gravestone.

"_Under this tree and by it's roots, lies a queen and her son. She died, trying to protect her son. She died by her own hand. My she be stronger in her next life, my she have her revenge._

_Pan'an Long_

_Pan'an Kasumiseirei "_

I stroked the stone and smiled. Her was my burial site. The same site I died on.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Gin was furious. He had woke up the next morning after and Tsukiko were no where to be found. Even Kai didn't know where she was. And he couldn't find here reitsu either. He had then asked Kai where the old kingdom had been once upon a time. He had pointed out on a map and after that Gin had been on his way.

_/That stupid girl! She is mine!/ _AT the nights he had been sitting next to a campfire and wonder what it was with him, being so angry at that girl. When he had met her the first time, she hadn't been anything special, but when she had cried that day in the garden, she had weak that he wanted to protect her.

In just a few weeks she had grown strong and her temper had changed. From a scared little rabbit to a passionate dragon. His feelings was upset . He still wanted to protect her, to posses her and wake up beside her every morning. When did he start feel it like that?

A sudden change in the presence nearby got him up on foot. Three familiar reitsu was running away from him. One was at a larger distant then the other two, and they were moving away quickly. Gin rose from his place and shunpo:ed out of there. Now he needed to be quick. Or else, there maybe wouldn't be a Tsukiko to protect in the future.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I looked at the moon as I still walked. Then I felt huge reitsu nearby and it wasn't Gin. I pulled out Kasumiseirei from his sheet as I waited. I have felt this sort of reitsu before. But that was from an arrancar.

I jumped out of the way when a cero came flashing by me.

"So you are back eh, nee-sama!" a woman yelled out in the dark. "To bad that your kingdom are already dead!" I felt my temper grew under the surface of my skin.

"Show your self Pan'Lu Tsu! Instead of covering in the darkness like the cowered you really are!"

"Ne ne, don't be so nasty. It's the first time we met in about 5000 years" Out of the shadows came a tall redheaded beauty. She had white hakamas, and her top was construted so she had a long collor, long sleeves and the bottom of her breast were visible. Her hollow mask streched from the nose and up to her head where it ended I two horns. But on her right side of her face she had a porcelain mask. Her lips twitched in a smirk.

"Still short, still ugly" she said. And now I saw her zanpaktou in her left hand. I growled through my teeth. She laughed at me. "Nee-sama don't have that attitude now when you are going to die one more..."

"I'm not going to die this time!"

"Oh you say so?" the launched at me.

"Keiyou dzuki hateshiganai juuman'okudo Kasumiseirei!" the mist gathered around me and I sent my whip at her. But I missed and felt then a wound open up at my left side.

"Can't you do better!" she taunted me. She didn't even release her sword. That bitch. The mist circled around me and I could hear her walking in outskirt of it.

"Come out and play, big sister! Don't hide like a mouse!"

"Rozekeikyoku" I closed my eyes once more and tried to feel her reitsu.

_/She is coming!/ _I dodged her attack just in time and sent away Kasumiseirei. The mist faded out and I now saw how the whip had wrapped itself around her leg and ripped it pretty bad. I smirked at her as I pulled for all that I was worth. The flesh was ripped of her leg all the way in to bone. She screamed and her eyes were filled with hatred. She lounged at me and I was pinned to a tree.

"You bitch! I'm gonna blow your head of!" A cero was formed at the tip of her nose.

"I'm not gonna let ya!" I trusted my zanpaktou, that had transformed back in to normal, in her stomach. But the cero went of any way but missed my head with an inch. But my hair was burned and my skin underneath. I jumped at her but she threw me away. I felt my bones in my chest broke. I coughed up blood.

My younger sister stood over me and looked really pissed of.

"This time you sure will die and never come back!" Her hand griped my throat and lifted me up. I felt now how she tried to kill the same way she did to my son.

"How does it feel to be killed with out an sword? " I couldn't yell for help or even speak. But I did spit her in her face. Tsu threw me away and when I landed she stepped on my already broken ribcage. She she penetrated my hand with her zanpaktou. I tried to yell but pain in my whole body was to great.

_/I'm going to die.../ _A voice from long ago.

"_Call my name Empress..." _

_/I'm gonna die.../_

"_Call my name, Dragon empress of the Lost empire"_

_/I don't wanna die.../_

"_CALL MY NAME!"_

"Hoso dan shori chikyū no hyōmen, Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū!" (Shred the surface of the Earth, Two headed dragon of Hell!) My sister flew off me and I felt my wounds started to heal slowly. Now I stood there, in a kimono black and green and my zanpaktou in my hand was glowing red. My red hair fell down like a cascade and it was briefly swaying in the wind. I looked at my sister there she stood.

"Jigoku kara no sõtõ no ryū" I said my zanpaktuos name. Kasumiseirei smiled in the back of my head as laid to rest.

"Tch, so you have found your real shikai?" She said. I just looked at her and attacked. My speed and reitsu was increasing but my wounds stopped healing and started to reopen them self. But I was so focused on her. My sword danced in my hand. Our swords met and flares came from them both.

"Hi ryū no mai" (Dance of the Fire dragon) My sword exploded in her face and the porcelain mask cracked. Under it, the flesh was badly burnt and a tattooed number. 10Th , she had once been the espada. She smirked at me.

"Hee... So you now realized that I will kill you?" I ignored her taunt and attacked again. But after a few hits I fell to the ground. My body was at it's limit. Tsu just laughed and kicked me in my stomach.

"you're weak! You have always been and always will!" But a sudden light brushed past her as two other people entered the scene. Two women, dressed almost like her. One had her hollow mask at her jaw and up the head, and the other had her over her forehead. One tall and curvy, the other short and slender. The tall woman had a long brown hair and dubbel digit on her left arm, the number 16 and the other had it on her chest, number 17.

"Piss off you low life! This doesn't concern you at all! Return to Los Noches at once!" Tsu yelled at them.

"I don't think so, Pan'An Tsu. This fight ends here!" the tall woman said.

"Tch if you don't move out of the way. You will die with her!"

"Don't you remember? That together will could take on our own espada, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. I doubt that you can take us on!" The short one said. Who were they? But something in their movements reminded me of someone in Seireitei.

"Then die!" Tsu attacked and so did they. And after a while things weren't going so great for my sister. She was soon hurt but not badly. She jumped up into the air as she loaded her cero. But she never got the chance to fire it.

"Shoot her to death, Shinsou." After that I passed out.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I woke up in cave on a warm blanket and campfire next to me. Inside was the two arrancars who had saved me earlier this day. I felt myself all patched up with bandage. The tall one with the jaw-mask looked at me.

"So you are awake, caretaker?" She asked me.

"Who are you two?" The short one giggled and suddenly transformed her self in to a cat. My jaw dropped to ground as I looked at them.

"My baby darlings..."

"Yes but we have names you know. But you never cared to give us any new ones. I'm Celia Vazques" the tall one said. The short one transformed back into her more human form. Celia had her hollow hole at her right breast.

"I'm Leticia Vazques. We are former fraccion of Grimmjow Jaegerjauqes. But after Aizen fell we ran from Los Noches, and you saved us." Leticia had her hollow hole right through her right eye. We talked a bit and couldn't belive that I had two women arrancar living in my room for some years. They wanted to guard me and protect me now. But then stopped talking. I then heard footsteps in the cave. The rose from their places and went past Gin. He looked at me, and he didn't smile at all. He sat down beside my body were I was lying. He then gently took me in his arms. I felt his trembling body against mine.

"Stupid girl! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid girl! Ya could've got ya self killed out here!" He almost screamed at me and I was surprised, and touched. He cared about me and he had worried about me. I started to cry like a baby in his arms. He hugged me gently and kissed my hair. I then felt a change. My hair wasn't short anymore, it was long and beautiful.

"Why're ya crying girl?" he asked me.

"Because you care about me. That ya was worried about me"

"Is that something to cry about?" He took my face in his hand kissed my lips gently. It wasn't any sexual in his kiss but only passion. But I felt the fire grew inside of me.

"Gin..."

"Ya told me to never leave yar side. I can't say ya making it easy for me. And remember this, Tsukiko, ya are mine and ya always will be." He wept away my tears.

"Gin?"

"Yeah?"

"Hold me through the night and dark dreams..."

"Always..."

**A/N: I know this chapter is short but it needed to be so. I will not post any more chapter before the weekend or before the next one. My boyfriend is moving home to me so I won't have any time. And I have some exams to study for. But see it this way. I've posted three chapter this week :) **

**R&R**

**Till Next time**

**Alexandra**


	8. Chapter 8 Bring me to life

**Chapter 8: Bring me to life...**

**A/N: I'm so sorry to tell you that this fanfiction has soon come to and end. It have been fun writing this story. I will miss to hear all nice comments. I will miss to wake up and see so many mails from FF about that you people have commented or made this story to one of your favorite. **

It took me several days before I could get of the ground and start my journey again. But now I had Gin, Célia and Leticia with me. I wasn't alone anymore. Person that cared about me was with me. When we started our journey Gin took on his back and we shunpo:ed out of there and towards my lost kingdom. It would still take us several days before would reach the old capital. I had told Gin about my new release. He just been sitting there and looked at my zanpaktou in deep thoughts.

"I think it's like Ukitake-Taichous Sougyo no Kotowari, and Shunshui-Tacihous Katen Kyoukotsu, but reversed. When hey release their shikais, they got two swords. But you got only one sword; with two names insteade. And depending on what strength your enemy have, you can choose your strategy and shikai, and even your reitsu level. And instead of one element, it can combine the water power that Kasumiseirei got and Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū have. Witch is both water and fire. But a zanpaktou that strong only in it's Shikai form, must have something up it's sleeve in it's bankai form..."

I had listened to him at night I went in to my inner world. But this time it was so different. The nature was gone and it was hot and lava was flowing in streams around me. The sky was black but around me was a red light. This was so different, so revers from my last inner world. But then I had changed to. I walked around as I tried to find Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū. But then I heard children laughter. I walked towards it when came around a big rock I saw small boy with red hair and blue eyes. I knew instantly who he was and my eyes started to fill up with tears.

"Kasumiseirei..." I said, he turned around and looked at, and his face cracked up and he smiled like sun at me. He started to run to me.

"Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū! She has came! She really came! MOMMY!" he yelled and threw him self into my arms. I hugged the small child in my arms and felt tremendous love overflowing in my heart.

"Thank you for protecting me, love." I said. He looked at me and kissed my cheek. "Didn't you want to be reborn with mommy in Seireitei?" I asked again.

"I wanted to be near you all the time and the shinigami told me that there was one way and that way we would fight together! So I choose to be you first shikai, and Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū was okay for being second." I then looked over the giant beast who was lying in a sea of lava. He had two heads and golden skin. But it really looked like he came from hell. His piercing eyes looked at me but with a friendly warmth.

"_I welcome you, Dragon Empress, to you true inner world. The world next to hell." _I heard his voice in my mind and he growled friendly when his head leaned down to me. I touched his nose and he closed his eyes.

"Two of my most important souls from my last life, are the two souls closest to me..."

"_We will protect you. Always..."_

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"I can see a ruins ahead!" Célia was running beside me and Gin. I hadn't walked by myself for days and I felt my legs were weak.

"Gin let me down" I said. He stopped.

"Can ya walk by yar self?"

"I don't know. But I have to enter the city by own. Please." He let me down and he supported me so I wouldn't fall. I took us a great two hour to the city at my current speed. But non of my companions said anything. They understood my feelings.

When we finally came to the gate we saw the hopelessness that had it's claws through the city. Souls wandered around and cried.

"Gin, we can't just let them go around them here..." He nodded and looked at me.

"How do you wanna do this?" He looked at him. He understood me so well. He knew.

"Alone... they are my people, who I deserted to save my son." I started. I walked to a elderly woman. I couldn't believe how they manged to survive here for over 5000 years without being attacked by hollows, or becoming hollows them self.

The old woman looked at me, and smiled.

"You came back your Highness... Now I can rest assure..." I just nodded and placed the hilt on her forehead. She then turned in to a Hell Butterfly. The rest of the day I performed soul burials. I felt tired and satisfied when I was done. The last one I sent away to Seireitei was a small boy, who I remember played with my own once upon a time. I cried when I knew how my empire had suffered after my passing. That I couldn't save them that day. I knew that it was because of my sister and would never forgive her for this.

I walked with my companions behind me up to the palace. The roof had fallen in and it's former glory was long gone. But some of it beauty lingered on. Two giant statues, resembled dragons, guarded the gate and felt like I was home. I walked up the stairs and in to the giant hall. I could feel the former glory take place here. All the colors and smells returned to me, so I walked slowly through the corridor. The spirit of the nature had taken back what was hers, but I felt at ease when saw trees, flower and grass growing in the old cracks in the marble floors. Old paintings was destroyed and wonder how my throne room looked like now. I walked passed the old library. Nothing would come of it. But then I passed the door out the garden. I couldn't resist and went out. Out there was huge trees, and it was overgrowing with grass and bamboo. Then I heard a mighty roar from the bamboo growth. I looked real close and saw then a dragon, a green colored asian dragon with five hatchlings on her back.

"Live at peace Queen of the Ruins. My time ended a long time ago." She seemed to be satisfied with that and disappeared in to the bamboo. I then saw a beautiful statue of me in the middle of an open field, and around it was twelve gravestones. I knew who they belonged to so I didn't even need to look. Their owners were now the captains for the squads in the Forbidden City. Gin walked up to me and stood there.

"It must've been beautiful here once" he said.

"It still are, even though I'm not the ruler any more. This place has finally came to rest and will soon be overtaken by the mountains nature and wildlife. That dragon female, is one of Chinas last living dragons and she will treasure this kingdom for her own children. And when the time comes, they will die them self and pass it on, until there is nothing left to pass on to the next coming generation." I said quietly. Gin smiled and looked at the garden once more.

"How poetic of ya" he said and grabbed my hand. He squeezed it gently and then we walked inside again. At the end of this corridor that walked right now was the gate to my throne room. I opened the doors. The roof here was intact and it seemed like the fire never came to this part of the palace. The room was filled with darkness but when the light came in I saw my throne, the giant pillars of marbel. Gold and silk. And behind the throne there was a huge dragon skeleton. I went forth and looked at the beautiful carvings at my throne.

"How are ya doing?" Gin asked me.

"Good. I just wished I would've died by age and not by violence. SO I could've seen my son rule, seen my grandchildren and so on. All that I left after my self was a dead kingdom."

"And a fine squad of captains, ain't I'm right?" I smiled at him. He was right. I went up the small stair and sat down. For my inner eye I saw my servants and allies, my bodyguard, the dragon and my son. The palace was once more alive but this time in my mind. I was happy...

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The night came fast and we stayed at the palace. Some of the sleeping quarters was still useful so we stayed in them. Me and Gin stood outside and watched the stars and the rising moon. It had already been one month since I left Seireitei and came to China. And now I knew my background and was on my way to achieve my bankai. I had come a long way.

"What do think will happens when we return to Seireitei?" Gin wrapped his arms around me and looked up at the moon.

"I don't know really. Yamamot-sama will surely give you a seated position. But you need to change squad when come home." I knew why. If I didn't we couldn't be together. He had given up so much for me so this is what I could do for him.

"I think I can transfer back to my old squad."

"Can ya handle that? I mean because of Shuhei I mean?" I nodded.

"My feelings was ghost-feelings, just because he looked a lot like Kai." He kissed my head.

"Ya are a strong woman. I wonder if ya gonna be satisfied just with being a seated officer. I think ya one day will becom a great Captain. I ya like ya can stay here with the other captains. Ya have a spot there so." I turned around shook my head.

"I am were you are." and then I kissed him. His lips were hot against mine but I didn't feel like end the nigh already. I took his hand dragged him to the open field in the garden.

"Train with me!" he looked chocked but then he smiled again and pulled out Shinsou. I took a stance and we trained. It was nice to feel my muscles work again. The hours went by and he held my pace. Everything went by smooth. Until I felt a stinging pain in my ribcage. Even though Leticia had healed the worst of my damages I still had a few of the left. I still had some cracks in my ribs.

"I think ya have had enough for today. Come, it's late and we need to start search the palace for clues tomorrow, right?" I nodded and he helped me up. But if I knew him right I wasn't gonna have much sleep the rest of the night.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I woke up the next morning with sun warming my face as I opened my eyes. Gin wasn't there and I thought that he maybe was out and taking some fresh air. My captain was a morning person after all. But then I saw something that disturbed me and that was Shinsou. Gins zanpaktou was still in the room and he never went out without it. I got up and dressed myself and went to Célia and Leticia.

"Have you guys seen Gin yet?" They looked surprised were they sat in suns rays.

"No we thought that you guys still was sleeping after what you two did tonight" Leticia teased me. I didn't blush because I was think of something else. What had happened to Gin? I didn't even feel his reitsu. Had he left me now? Had he gone back to Seireitei? But shouldn't he at least say something to me first, and then he wouldn't have left Shinsou.

I went out to the garden and started to call after him. But of course I didn't get any answers. Célia and Leticia went with as I started to search the palace for him. But he wasn't anywhere to be found.

But then I felt it. Both his and Tsus reitsu. And it was coming from beneath us. Why was she here? Surely to kill me but hadn't it been easier to kill me at night when I was sleeping?

"That bitch is here!" snarled Célia. I clenched my fists and looked down at the ground.

_/I'm gonna kill her... If she have done anything to my man.../ _I then realized why I had come over Shuhei so fast and why I hadn't gone back to Kai. Because my heart had taken another rout, another person. I needed to find him! And fast.

"We need to got the cellars, thats where we can find her and Gin..." Leticia and Célia watched me and nodded.

"Then we will do everything in our power to help you." said Leticia. Célia pulled her zanpaktou ann so did Leticia.

"Shureddo, La sangre de tigre" (Shred, Blood tiger) Célia stood there now in her released form.

"Chõyaku, Hueso guepardo" (Leap, Bone Cheetah) Leticia transformed too. Before me stood two giant cats, in white. One with stripes and one with spots. Célia had more muscles and Leticia was slender and had long legs. Now I knew why they had been Grimmjows fraccion.

"Lead the way..."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The dungeons were dark and the air was thick with mold and dust. The big cats was walking before me and tried to follow the scent of Gin. It led us through long dark passages and great halls. I didn't remembered that the dungeons were this large under the palace. But as we came around a corner we saw a light at the end of that corridor. Gins reitsu was near. I ran passed the cats and then came in to a large hall. This hall I knew as Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū old chamber were he slept during times of peace.

And then I saw Gin. Chained up and bloody.

"GIN!" I yelled and when he looked up at me his face showed fear. I started to run towards him.

"Tsukiko! Stay! Ya will be killed!" In the corner of my eye I saw something that glistened. I turned around and stopped Tsus zanpkatou from sever my head from my body. She didn't say anything, just attack like a maniac. All I could do was block her. The I heard a roar and Célia came jumping and pinned her down to the ground. She took a great bite of her arm and ripped the flesh of the bone. Tsu screamed and threw her off, but she never had the chance to get up again before Leticia took a great grip off her leg and threw her into the walls. When the dust had vanished, mys siter stood there with blood red eyes and she pointed her zanpaktou up to the ceiling.

"Musabori kuu, Esqueleto Lagarto!" (Devour Skeleton Lizard) She really wanted kill me and she wasn't wasting any time. Now she stood ther with an espadas full pride.

"I will kill you! I will get to you for everything you've done! For everything you've taken from me! MENTE SEGADOR!" (Mental reaper) a wave of black reitsu came against me but I didn't had a chance at all to dodge it.

"CERO GRANDE!" (Great Cero) Célia and Leticia did both send away a cero. The explosion was deafening. Rubble flew by and dust came down my throat. When I looked again I saw Célia and Leticia lying on the ground, trying to get up. But my sister kicked them both away so they flew into the walls. I could hear their bone crack. But they didn't say anything. I didn't even see their chest moving anymore. I looked at my sister again. Now she stood beside Gin and smiled.

"Give it up Pan'An Long. You won't win against me. If our dear Gin didn't how do you expect your self do so?" She smirked at me. "You know that he did me in Los Noches when Aizen took the power?" I felt the blood drain from my face.

"Liar!" She laughed.

""But I don't lie big sister. He did me more then once and called me everything he called you. Then he left me, just how he will leave you at some point." I looked at Gin and he didn't meet my eyes.

_/It's true.../ _

"He knew that I was your sister. The same day he laid his eyes on you." I watched Gin. But I suddenly didn't care anymore. This was the second time I met my sister in this life and we was still fighting.

"I don't care. Sure he did you, but for me he will always be special. I will love him until the end of times." Gin looked up. I met his gaze and smiled. "This won't take long Gin. Then we can return to Seireitei... together. Hoso dan shori chikyū no hyōmen, Jigoku kara no sōtō no ryū!" The I attacked her head on. She was going to pay for everything she had done to me in my life now and my past. As I fought her, I saw my memories pass before my eyes. Memories from our childhood. Memories from when grew up without our parents.

"Mente Segador!"

"Hi ryū no mai!" Fire met black reitsu and we just threw our self at eachother. But then she got a grip of my foot and threw me in to a pillar. But I rose and was back at it.

"Damn whore!" But then she increased her speed and then I knew my I was in real danger. She played with me in the air like a doll and it was then lost consciousness.

_I was floating in a dark place. The fires didn't burn her and I couldn't hear my son anymore. _

"_Empress..."_

"_Dragon..."_

"_If this continue you will die..."_

"_I know..."_

"_your body is already on it's way to do so... you need me more then ever..."_

"_What do you want me to do?"_

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Gin watched as Tsukikos sister kicked her body around. He tried to break free and save her. But he couldn't get anywhere in those chains. He knew he should have killed that bitch in Los Noches when he had the chance. He heard bone crack in her body and he save how her body became more and more blue. He was a captain for fucking sake and here he was and couldn't even protect the woman he... He what? Loved? Was that is? He had been chocked when she had said that she loved him. When did that happened, and when started he to love her?

"Give it a rest Tsu! Are you a coward that kick around a body that can't move?" he yelled. If he just hadn't left Shinsou back at the room with Tsukiko when he went out for fresh air...

"As if I give a fuck! Sha stole everything from me! Kingdom, power, men and children! Everybody loved her! But now! Now I'm the one that will rule!" She threw the body of Tsukiko away and it fell flat. The body had a very unnatural look now when it had been so bad beaten up. Tsu came forth to Gin and smirked at him.

"And now I will kill you. So your smile never will appear again in this face of the earth!"

"Not... not... if I am to decide his fate!" Gin couldn't believe that Tsukiko was alive, even standing. She held her zanpaktou steady and strong in her hand. Then he saw the determination in her eyes.

I looked at Gin. He almost had a face of despair. I smiled sadly.

"You had right Gin... A zanpaktou this strong must've have some faults as a Bankai... But it's my time to save you... I'm sorry Gin. BANKAI!" I was surrounded by the light of my reitsu. Then there stood a two headed dragon behind me, and in my right hand I held a spear. I only wore my hakama and a breast plate. The dragon roared it's hatred.

"Kage to hi,-sei to shi no ryū" (Dragon of Ying and Yang, Life and Death) I said slowly. I felt tears streaming down my face as I looked at Gin. "I love you, and I'm your's now and until the end of time..." Mys sister looked in fear at me.

"Please don't hurt Gin... He is all that I have left." I started to gather my reitsu around me and send it to the dragon behind me. Then I felt two pair of hands on my shoulder. Célia and Leticia stood there and gave me their remaining reitsu. Then I spoke my words out loud. Somehow my sister couldn't open a gaaraganta and run.

"Jigoku no saishin-bu kara watashi wa, anata ga chikyū no hyōmen o nyūryoku shite komando o! Ningen-kai ni nyūryoku shite, watashi no taisen aite no inochi o ubau! Kiru watashi no teki!" (From the deepest of hell I command the you to enter the face of the earth! Enter in to the human world and take my opponents life! Kill my enemy!) The dragon opened it's mouth and I knew I needed to be in center of the fire the attack to have any effect and I myself would perish with it. I felt the heat behind. I took one last look at Gin before I would die.

"Farwell..." Then the palace exploded in fire and rubble. There my life ended.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Gin was back in Seireitei. After that Tsukiko had sacrificed her self for saving him, he had taken him self out of there. But before that he tried to find the body of Tsukiko, but it was no where to be found. Not Tsukikos sister either, or the arrancar. It had been hard to tell her friend that she had died and when he told Matsumoto, he let a few tears run down his face.

He now sat in his office and tried to see her smiling face for his eyes again. There was a knock on the door and Kira came in. In his hand he held an album.

"Um... Ichimaru-Taichou.. we were a few that gathered this for you." he gave Gin the album then he went out again. Gin opened the album and saw Tsukikos smiling face. Those photos wasn't old. Some of them was her with Ikkaku and Shuhei, another when she was drunk with Matsumoto. He smiled. He hadn't done that in a few weeks. But then he came to the last picture. It was with him and Tsukiko in the 3rd quarters garden, and he held her so gently. When had they took that picture, anyway he was happy because now he truly saw the affection she had felt for him. And now he knew that he had loved her too. But he never had the chance to say it to her...

He put the album in a pocket and after that he carried it with him always. He looked out the window and now he felt it...

He felt his trembling hands...

_/I'm not gonna give in...I'm strong.../_

**A/N: The ending sucked. I'm sorry for that but I really needed to end this story. I'm sorry for that. But the last phrase is a hint for ya all ;D This story ended but not a problem for a new story to take it's place... The real story I was supposed to write but I need some background history first... But I won't post a chapter until next week now! I've been so nice to you guys that I've been posting four chapter this week... So my head hurts from trying to hard...**

**Please look at my profile next week and look out for "_Teary eyes"_**

_**R&R**_

**Till Next time**

**Alexandra Piirhonen ^^**


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